- Nikki Rockwell
Why Do PUGS come in Pairs?!
By now, many of us have heard of the most endearing law of all lands; that it is, in fact, illegal to own just one Guinea Pig in Switzerland! Despite their historically ambivalent approach to international affairs, (History Dad Joke inserted here!) their laws for animal welfare are quite firm. In 2008, it became the law that these chittering little pig fluffs (scientific term) must have a friend because they are pack animals and would get lonely otherwise. Taking this law and its worldwide adorability ramifications, and coupling it with the characteristics of Guinea Pigs, it brings us that much closer to answering the age old question: Why do PUGS come in pairs?
Admit it: it is a rare case in which you see a loner pug out on their own, with their leather jacket, clutching their bindlestiff and their copy of Kerouac’s On the Road in their tiny paw. Without the dulcet tones of commingled snargling, and the dual-rainbowed arch of their tails, and two chub bodies wiggling in unison like hungry, hungry hippos, is one pug really PUGging?
As my ultra scientific research has shown, Pugs and Guinea pigs really do have an alarming number of things in common. Both animals are shaped like loaves of bread, both make adorably wonderful noises (though the tonality of such noises differ greatly) and both are little piggies! (Admittedly, Pugs are not actually pigs in the way that Guineas Pigs are, but I defy you to look at a Pug and not see the pig-like attributes! In fact, I would even venture to say that the smooshieness of a Pug’s nose more closely resembles that of an actual barnyard pig than a Guinea pig! Not to mention the curly pig-like tail! Trust me, I’ve done the research!)
Much like Guinea pigs, a same-age pairing is not necessary when dealing with PUGs times two. This is because Puggies defy the standard categories for ages; they are both young and old; baby and old man, concurrently. In fact, one could stipulate that every day they go through all the major stages of development! They toddle around during meal time (pug around, if you will. With the sound effect, “pugpugpugpugpugpugpugpug”) and then snore like my Mom Mom during her stories. The times between are filled with varying levels of snotty sneezes and tiny, raspy barks. Taking this into consideration, one knows that, even with a puppy pug and a senior petizen pug, they will be the same age at LEAST two times a day. Age is an Earthly concept that Puggie pairs need not be bothered by.
Ergo, based on my extensive research, I conclude that Pugs, much like Guinea pigs and shoes, belong in pairs and to have only one Pug goes against the very fabric of scientific research! So, if you see someone walking down the street with one pug, I give you my permission to implore them to get another Pug, if not for them, than for the greater good of our society and the world!
Need more proof: Look at all of these Pairs of PUGS from TMM!
Saffy and Wally
Marnie and Milo
Honorable Pug mentions: Those Bohemian Loners :)